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Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in kategladstone's LiveJournal:

Thursday, August 16th, 2012
9:06 pm
What was it like to be a medieval scribe?
What was it like to be a medieval scribe? Here's my guess ...

Two submissions for the con's songbook —

/1/
SCRIBES OF CAMBREATH
By Kate Gladstone
       (tune: MARCH OF CAMBREATH by Heather Alexander)

Downstroke slash, serif swing,
Scribal work is a weary thing.
Up before the morning light:
Damn the day you learned to write.
Parchment, quill, and ink combine:
Fight to make your words align.
Hear the novice-master cry —
HOW MANY OF YOU CAN DOT AN "i"?

Follow copy as you're told:
Make your letters worth the gold.
Write until you die or drop,
A good monk's pen is hard to stop.
Close your mind to stress and pain,
Write till you're no longer sane.
Let no blot or blur pass by,
HOW MANY OF YOU CAN DOT AN "i"?

Form your stems and ovals well,
'Prentice-work's a gate to Hell.
When you finish Chapter Four,
Here come half-a-dozen more.
Use your quill and use your head,
Flourish well from A to Zed.
Raise ascenders to the sky,
HOW MANY OF YOU CAN DOT AN "i"?

Folks who don't know how to write
Think our labor must be light.
Fingers three are all it takes:
By vespers your whole body aches.
Filled your quota without fail?
Pour that scribe a pint of ale!
Down one more and sound the cry,
HOW MANY OF YOU CAN DOT AN "i"?
Friday, April 8th, 2011
4:00 pm
A man called Robert Webster Humpidge liked the following so much that he asked me to put it on my page. References are to events in the novel ATLAS SHRUGGED.

DAGNY'S SONG by Kate Gladstone

tune: PUT YOUR HAND IN THE HAND by Gene MacLellan
inspiration: ATLAS SHRUGGED (Part One opens in theaters April 15)

I put my hand in the hand of the man who stopped the motors —
Put my hand in the hand of the man who called a halt —
'Cause he looked at the world and showed the world
Success is not a fault:
I put my hand in the hand of the man who is John Galt.

When he jammed the media net, I felt a tremble
As he explained his war on parasites who dissemble:
How the looters and moochers are living upon
Your fear or charity —
And right then I understood I wasn’t where I ought to be.
    (So I … )
     CHORUS:  I put my hand in the hand …

I knew someday I’d run the rails. Before I reached the age of seven,
I knew with honest cash in hand I’ve got no need of Heaven.
It doesn’t matter that the movers of the world are few —
We are the ones who move the world, and we will pull it through.
     CHORUS (2x): I put my hand in the hand …

ENVOI:
I put my hand in the hand of the man who is John Galt.

Current Mood: bouncy
Thursday, March 25th, 2010
2:35 am
song: WHO LET THE DANES IN
If you know early English history, you will understand this one ...


WHO LET THE DANES IN (The Battle of Maldon)
tune: "Who Let the Dogs Out" by Anslem Douglas)

Intro:
Who let the Danes in?
{thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
{thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
{thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
{thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}

Chorus:
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}

{thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}

Verse:
When Byrthnoth the Earl saw the Vikings so many {Raise skeggøx and sword!}
Sail up Blackwater to slaughter them all {Hah, ho, skeggøx and sword!}
He told his thegns: "Give not an inch, not a penny." {Skeggøx and sword!}
Though thegns answered when he did call,
The poor Earl's mowed down.

Chorus:
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}

Saxon Rap #1:
I see a fleet of longboats head up our coast.
We stand our ground, do not skip town.
Get back off me, Dane, off me,
Get back, Odin-worshiping murderer!

Instrumental Chorus [swords and axes clashing on shields]:
{thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
{thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
{thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
{thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}

Verse:
I'm gonna tell {Raise skeggøx and sword!}
You Saxons attacking us Northmen {Skeggøx and sword!}
Tell the Saxons: "Hey, man, get killed by a Northman!" {Skeggøx and sword!}
You stab a Northman in front and there's two more behind {Skeggøx and sword!}
Your blood runs out now

Chorus:
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}


Chant:
Say: A Saxon earl's nothing if he don't have a throne --
Byrthnoth is overthrown, Byrthnoth is over.
A Saxon earl's nothing if he don't have a throne --
Byrthnoth is overthrown, Byrthnoth is over.

Viking Rap #2:

Wait for your death, Saxons, slaughter is on --
You let in the Danes, now your lives are all gone.
I'm giving you all to the god with one eye
Why do you defend
That Byrthnoth man while your hyrd's breaking down?
Me and my bright skeggøx
And sword can't pick and choose, any Saxon will do
I'm wondering why they named him Byrthnoth
'Cause "bright" he is not. And
I run him right through: ah-ooooo!

Chorus (repeat this 5 times):
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}
Who let the Danes in? {thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack}


Kate Gladstone -- http://www.HandwritingThatWorks.com

Current Mood: artistic
Thursday, February 18th, 2010
10:01 am
someone else's songs that I've recorded ... and some of my own, too
In addition to writing my own songs (a small selection, over 70 in number, appear on the FilkArchive site at http://filkarchive.scrumpy.org ), I've also recorded three songs by another artist I enjoy -- Tom Smith. The three that I've recorded (on his benefit album MR. SMITH GOES TO THE HOSPITAL) appear on the Mad Music Archive at http://www.madmusicarchive.com -- searching my name there will bring them up ("Trans Poly U Fight Song" -- "My Unicorn Song" -- "The Thing in the Crib") and will also bring up some of the songs elsewhere which I wrote (lyrics and/or tunes) as well as performing.
Thursday, June 5th, 2008
12:55 am
If the "Bee Gees" Wrote Rifle Instruction Manuals (or: The M16A1 for Disco Lovers)
IF THE "BEE GEES" WROTE RIFLE INSTRUCTION MANUALS,
or,
STAYIN' ALIVE WITH YOUR M16A1: BASIC TRAINING FOR DISCO LOVERS
by Kate Gladstone
tune: "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees


This is a rifle — Em-Sixteen-A-One —
Don't let me hear you call it a gun.
To strip this babe and keep her clean,
You first remove the magazine.
Then open the bolt, check within
The chamber for ammo, press the pin
Right, pull back charging handle and
Bolt carrier assembly: understand?

This is the way you gotta strip your rifle,
Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Strip 'n' clean your rifle, 'cause your rifle ain't a trifle
For stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Steps .. one ... through ... four
Of stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Keep ... on ... , there's ... more
For stayin' ali-i-i-ve ...

Take the bolt and carrier assembly out,
Then the charging handle, then push out
The firing pin retaining pin,
Put the bolt in LOCK. Now listen in:
The retaining pin has one split end,
Don't open or close that end, my friend.
Keep going, we are nowhere done
With the care of the Em-Sixteen-A-One:

This is the way you gotta strip your rifle,
Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Strip 'n' clean your rifle, 'cause your rifle ain't a trifle
For stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Steps ... five ... through ... eight
Of stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Keep ... them ... all ... straight
For stayin' ali-i-i-ve ...

Take out the firing pin and the bolt com pin.
Give the bolt com pin a quarter spin.
From the carrier assembly now pull out
The bolt. Use the firing pin to push out
The extractor pin. If you need to clean,
Remove the extractor and the spring
Assembly: do not damage, lose,
Or separate them — that's abuse:

This is the way you gotta strip your rifle,
Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Strip 'n' clean your rifle, 'cause your rifle ain't a trifle
For stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Steps nine ... through ... thir...teen ...
Of stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Learn ... the ... rou...tine ...
For stayin' ali-i-i-ve ...

Remove sling, handguards (pull down the slip ring)
Now the firing pin is just the thing
To release the pivot pin of the receiver.
Now separate upper and lower receiver.
Push the buffer assembly a quarter inch in,
Push the buffer retainer in,
Release the guide and one last thing:
Take out the buffer assembly and spring —
This is the way you gotta strip your rifle,
Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Strip 'n' clean your rifle, 'cause your rifle ain't a trifle
For stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Steps four...teen ... through nine...teen ...
Of stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Learn ... the ... rou...tine ...
For stayin' ali-i-i-ve ...

Now you thought you were through, but oh, no fear:
You gotta get your rifle back into gear,
So we'll take each step from end to end,
And do them all in reverse, my friend.
That's right: before mess call today,
We'll do it all the other way,
Strip, assemble, no mistake,
Till y'all can do it half-awake:
This is the way you gotta strip your rifle,
Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Strip 'n' clean your rifle, 'cause your rifle ain't a trifle
For stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Now ... you ... have ... got,
For stayin' alive, stayin' alive,
Some ... kind... of... ... shot
At stayin' ali-i-i-ve ...
Tuesday, May 8th, 2007
11:49 am
song: for all authors/publishers/readers of fantasy novels
I Am The Very Model Of A Novelist Fantastical

Lyricist: Kate Gladstone, 2006
Composers: Gilbert & Sullivan, 1879 ("I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General" in THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE)

[AUTHOR sings:]
I am the very model of a novelist fantastical,
Who builds a world and characters in phrases periphrastical —
My elf names are mellifluously full of vowels, "R"s, and "L"s,
My princess wields a sword and quests her lover through a dozen hells!
I've borrowed themes abundant, which the cover calls "Tolkienian,"
From fairy-tales and epics French, Norwegian, and Slovenian.
The minions of my Dark Lord don't allow the heroes lots of ease,
But you can tell who'll win a battle by whose name has more apostrophes!

[CHORUS OF BOOKSTORE EMPLOYEES AND CUSTOMERS:]
You can tell who'll win a battle by whose name has more apostrophes!
You can tell who'll win a battle by whose name has more apostrophes!
You can tell who'll win a battle by whose name has more apostro-postrophes!

[AUTHOR:]
I'm good at integrating Irish, Norse, and Greek mythology
With neo-pagan practices and New Age pop psychology:
In short, in matters mythic, plagiaristic, and bombastical,
I am the very model of a novelist fantastical!

[CHORUS:]
In short, in matters mythic, plagiaristic, and bombastical,
You are the very model of a novelist fantastical!

[AUTHOR:]
I've written twelve heptalogies — each with the others interlocks —
The flat-out contradictions, all my fans call pretty paradox.
The quotes that head each chapter use a language I made up myself —
The grammar is erratic, but my works go flying off the shelf!
I sign my books at Worldcon with an autograph you can't decrypt —
Which I copied from my three-year-old: I tell them it is dragon script —
And then I chant a stanza which I call a Dwarvish battle verse:
But if you listen closely, it's pig-Latined Gaelic in reverse!

[CHORUS:]
But if you listen closely, it's pig-Latined Gaelic in reverse!
But if you listen closely, it's pig-Latined Gaelic in reverse!
But if you listen closely, it's pig-Latined Gaelic in reverse, reverse!

[AUTHOR:]
Though my plots and situations use a background quite medievalish,
I've based on modern villains all the people who are evilish.
In short, in matters topical, satiric, and sarcastical,
I am the very model of a novelist fantastical!

[CHORUS:]
In short, in matters topical, satiric, and sarcastical,
You are the very model of a novelist fantastical!

[AUTHOR:]
In fact, when I care that a sword should not weigh fifty pounds or more —
When I've learned that riding bareback on a stallion leaves your bottom sore
If done in chainmail kilt with absolutely nothing under it —
When my raiders torch a city after, not before, they plunder it —
When I avoid capricious breach of mathematical and physics laws —
When no longer do my plots depend upon such very silly flaws —
When I compose with more coherence than a sick Australopithecine —
[ASIDE: 'Australopithecine — '...pithecine' — hmm, hmmm — ah!]
You'll say there never was a better modern-era mythos seen!

[CHORUS:]
We'll say there never was a better modern-era mythos seen,
We'll say there never was a better modern-era mythos seen,
We'll say there never was a better modern-era mythos, mythos seen!

[AUTHOR:]
Though I'll soon be nominated to receive a Hugo (so I think),
My themes are unoriginal, my prose _clichés_ all clank and clink —
But, when I've mastered matters both creative and scholastical,
I'll be the very model of a novelist fantastical!

[CHORUS:]
Yes, when you've mastered matters both creative and scholastical,
You'll be the very model of a novelist fantastical!

Current Mood: humor satire
Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
8:30 am
for those who remember "Little Rabbit Foo-Foo" ...
For those who remember "Little Rabbit Foo-Foo" ... visit
http://kip-w.livejournal.com/215011.html
where a friend of mine has posted its Viking Epic Version: THE FÚFUMAL ...
Monday, April 30th, 2007
10:28 am
introduction and CREATIONIST'S CHANTEY (satire warning!)
I've decided to use this blog to post things I write for amusement — mostly filksongs (don't confuse them with folksongs)

In posting here (which will happen infrequently — either more often, or less often, than you would like), my top priority will go to things that other people know I've written and have asked me to post. To know what I've written, check the rec.music.filk newsgroup, and/or the FilkArchive site at www.filkarchive.org.uk — between them, these two loci have much (not all) of my filk and similar items. (The FilkArchive site includes mp3 as well as, often, lyrics by many filkers).

Let's start off with a satire.


CREATIONISTS' CHANTEY (PI MUST EQUAL THREE)

Lyrics ©2005 Kate Gladstone
Music - Traditional tune, "Rolling Down to Old Maui"

What a hard, tough life, full of toil and strife
Creationists undergo,
Making lessons fit what's in Holy Writ
When the Universe says "No" -
When we've done the deed that Our Lord's decreed
Upon bi-ol-o-gy,
We will blaze a path into basic math:
Setting pi to equal three!
CHORUS:
Setting pi to equal three, Good Lord,
Setting pi to equal three -
We will blaze a path into basic math:
Setting pi to equal three!

What the Word makes plain, once [1] and then again [2],
Can no longer be denied:
Thirty units fence a cir-cum-fer-ence
When ten stretch side to side.
We support traditional values, so
The school boards must agree -
We will teach this truth to the nation's youth:
That pi must equal three!
CHORUS:
That pi must equal three, Good Lord,
That pi must equal three -
We will teach this truth to the nation's youth
That pi must equal three!

We stand arrayed for a Pi Crusade
To save the human race:
For the Moon and Sun have to be re-done,
So we must conquer space!
To cease with Earth, the sphere of our birth,
Would flirt with her-e-sy:
Ev'ry star and world needs its curve re-curled,
That pi may equal three!
CHORUS:
That pi may equal three, Good Lord,
That pi may equal three -
Ev'ry star and world needs its curve re-curled,
That pi may equal three!

We've a hardship, though, that you may not know,
For observation tells
That to see this through, we must alter, too,
The form of the red blood cells!
When we shift their shape, we shall not escape
A martyr's ag-o-ny ...
But we'll gladly die of correcting pi,
For pi must equal three!
CHORUS:
For pi must equal three, Good Lord,
For pi must equal three -
We will gladly die of correcting pi,
For pi must equal three!

REFERENCES: [1] 1 Kings 7:23 [2] 2 Chronicles 4:2
Kate Gladstone's Handwriting Repair   About LiveJournal.com